Found correct command line here:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=46971, so 1st and 4th issues are solved. However quit is not clear: command line help says about "vlc vlc://quit", but that url works only if
--one-instance option is specified and vlc is in playing mode then another vlc copy with "vlc://quit" parameter leads to both copies quitting. But if vlc is in recording mode then this option does nothing.
About CPU: works fine on my Windows PC with dual core Athlon 3800+ with both h264, mp4v. But on Sempron 1,6 GHz occupies all the CPU, may be because of non-workable video card driver 2D acceleration? Do not know, how to check this?